It’s a very interesting day here at the Oddest Interview Segment on the Internet, as we do our first character interview. I am joined today but Autumn from the novel “The Rise of UMBRA.” First of all, welcome to the show Autumn!
Okay, would you like to tell people about yourself? I hear you and your partner, Sive, are the best assassins the Crime Cartel ever had.
Okay, firstly…We’re not an assassins. We’re bounty hunters. Somebody fucks up, we come and get you. If you fight, well…that’s on you. I have no issue putting a slug in someone’s head…including nosy interviewers.
Ahem, alrighty then. You and your partner, Sive–how did you meet?
I was a homeless teenager, living off of what I could steal. One day I just happened to pick Sive’s ship. There was enough loot in there to live like a Queen for months. Too bad he caught me. Not really sure why he didn’t kill me. He had every right to, but instead he took me on and trained me to be his partner.
And UMBRA, how did this team come together?
Hey! How do you know about UMBRA?
Well, I kind of wrote the book.
Book? What book? Are you keeping tabs on us? Because Dread wouldn’t like that in the least bit.
Yes, Dread. He’s the leader of the team right? Isn’t he the one who sent you on the mission to Mars?
I’m not sure how you know this, but yes. We were given the option of infiltrating a Martian research facility or death. That made the decision pretty easy.
How do you like your teammates?
Some of them are annoying–I won’t lie. Bumblebee for one. He’s let the fact he used to be a big deal in the cage fighting leagues go to his head. He’s used to women just throwing themselves at him. I don’t think he knew how to handle me when we met.
What about the others?
Well, Harmonica is an older fellow–really nice. He used to work for the Earth military and he’s seen some things nobody should see. I like him though. He’s kind of a father figure type.
Leviathan is kind of quiet, but he’s a hell of a hacker. He’s the one who is the most different in the group. He’s not really into our business for the mayhem. He’s just trying to take care of his family. I think you kind of have to respect him for that.
Bloody is a British smuggler, usually too stoned to really give a fuck. He’s a bit of prankster though. I still owe him for the little speech he made right before I had to jump out of his ship.
You had to jump out of his ship?
Fuck yea, I did. Only way to get to the planet’s surface without being noticed. Fucking high altitude atmospheric reentry. I wouldn’t recommend it.
What about Dread? What’s he like?
Master strategist. I’ve got to give it to the man, he’s got the brains to make shit happen and the connections to cover his ass. He’s not a man to fuck with.
And what about his 2nd in command, D’leet?
The man is a fucking legend. He’s a muscle type but he’s smart too. Don’t let his reputation make you think otherwise.
Anything you’d like the fans to know before we finish?
Yea, don’t fuck with UMBRA. We WILL get you.